… and it dawned on me!

I just finished reading this amazing article from the Huffington Post written by John Mellencamp. Read it!

“My understanding is that someone is listening to what I like, to what my friends like… I mean, they like Sonic Youth too!” -me @ seventeen.

I realize the difficulty of having to please everyone and yet, easy enough to please yourself. Money was tight when I fell in love with music and tighter now that I know why. Believing in the concept of talent and lacking a price for it, takes the kind of mind that enjoys to wander. My understanding is that I know what I like and it crosses the boundaries of time and genre… I mean, I still like Sonic Youth! This is part of growing up, either you take the time to get to know yourself or spend the time you have left restless and pondering. I found that out yesterday after accepting the image and before my first cup of coffee. Life is better than I expected.

“After silence, that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music.” -Aldous Huxley

Enthusiasm/Love

Hands-down, my favorite movie of 2007 would have to be “I’m Not There” based on “the many lives of Bob Dylan.” The movie read like Dylan’s poetry, every element of his music as an accurate visual interpretation. Of course, Cate Blanchett as Jude Quinn (another aspect of Dylan’s life), is flawless and you cannot help but to compare for her performance is astounding. Also, Marcus Carl Franklin as “Woody Guthrie” -not the folk singer, although he is indeed a part of the story- is intelligent and talented, making you believe in his character as an independent figure yet welcoming enough to understand his part in Dylan’s personality. Having Christian Bale and Heath Ledger neither hindered nor motivated the story, although the idea of love and family in the singer/songwriter’s life was effectively portrayed by Mr. Ledger as the actor Robbie Clark. On a side note, there is a scene where the cover of The Freewheelin’ Bob Dylan came to life and if you happen to catch things like these AND also happen to enjoy and respect Dylan’s work, then there will be plenty of lines and scenes to keep your mind busy. Overall, even as just a beautifully acted and directed film, it is worth the trip. As a Bob Dylan fan, it blew my mind and the soundtrack has not left my player since this afternoon when I purchased it. With the likes of Sonic Youth (title track), Yo La Tengo (Fourth Time Around), Jim James of My Morning Jacket (Goin’ To Acapulco, which he performs with Calexico and in the movie, another scene that left me speechless) and Antony & The Johnsons (Knockin’ On Heaven’s Door), among other talented musicians. When film and music marry beyond successfully, but also with an incredible sense purpose, all of it, it’s art. It’s beautiful. Watch it!

“I accept chaos. I don’t know whether it accepts me.” -Arthur (Ben Whishaw) from “I’m Not There”

I should be free by then!

I cut that awesome smell of the morning mist with the awful stench of cigarette smoke. Finally watched Sylvia with Gwyneth Paltrow playing the tragic and talented Sylvia Plath (The new 007 plays her husband Ted Hughes). As much as the actress represents a lot of what’s wrong with Hollywood, although her legacy -daughter of famed Bruce Paltrow (St. Elsewhere)- may just be undeniable. I have only a few strips of film and her poetry to compare against, but I may have to admit that Paltrow played the part well, just slightly blander than what I had understood Plath to be. The way she read Ariel, however, was haunting.

The symptoms of love are similar to the symptoms of alcohol abuse. Or disease. Or possibly the withdrawal itself I have seen firsthand, the shakes and subsequent denial. Liquor has its own glory and madness, for love is the catalyst, the temptress of anything that interrupts your daily monotony. It’s the memories, how the brain tricks you then you smell her, play tricks against her eyes and brake promises for the hope of the abstract happiness she could bring. I wanted to tell you that walking past does not mean I’d walk away from you, we may be saving the integrity of this thing by allowing time to crown us. All I know is what I believe, we promised eternity and not forgiveness. I’m going to Lollapalooza, with or without you, okay?

“Kiss me and you will see how important I am.” -Sylvia Plath

Whose side?

It is early because when I take my xanax, time is not an issue. I crashed early -this insomniac- and had an uninterrupted night of sleep, woke up on my own slowly and made some coffee at 6:42 this morning. I am sitting here sipping on such and Garden State is playing in the background on my media player. I have this overwhelming desire to make pancakes for all of us instead of oatmeal for just the baby… the first time in months my first thought wasn’t him and the last day of my past life. I will be getting up from this chair in two minutes and turn this adult place into a child’s playground, put a bra on and make the fucking pancakes. We just want to be okay, no one cares for normalcy anymore and with that goes courtesy. My daughter is awake, I will draft this and go to her… NOW!
A few hours later and I feel like sinking ships (just fine!), my friend who took the trip with me says the same, she may just have lost a day and thought of how fed up she was about the unwanted guest in her home and other stories of little sacrifice; I’m just thinking that sometimes it is best to just keep moving, the body and the soul will get tired enough to settle. Just as I stay up for days and nights and how it was well-reported in my old blog -how raw and sometimes unforgiving those postings were- eventually it happens and I dream. Daylight makes it impossible for me to slow down and when I do, there’s that beautiful face of hers that can bear the weight of the universe under those brand new milk teeth. In the meantime, the lasting impressions of everything that you ever wanted could possibly get you through… some people are strong enough to live on rain water and seaweed. Not me and I think we may have already established that.

In other news, finally got to hear the new Kaiser Chiefs’ album Yours Truly, Angry Mob and I give it a positively two thumbs up and a few appendages that may mark up. This is their follow up to one of my favorite albums of all time Employment, catchier hooks and definitely not as edgy, but I judge music a tad differently than most. When people were crying foul after Modest Mouse “sold out” I made a special trip to one of the very few indie-oriented (if there is such a thing) music stores in Central Florida (parkavecds.com) and bought Good News for People Who Love Bad News and enjoyed it. Sure, Modest Mouse has another type of charm -more on their latest, We Were Dead Before The Ship Even Sank on a future posting, maybe after I get over the lyrics of “Little Motel.”

I hope that you like it in your little motel
And I hope that the suite sleeps and suits you well
Well I can see it as time and a sight through smell and
Thats why its nice to be by yourself

Cause thats what I’m waiting for
That’s what I’m waiting for
That’s what I’m waiting for, aren’t I?
That’s what I’m waiting for (x2)
That’s what I’m waiting for darlin’

We treat mishaps like sinking ships and
I know that I don’t want to be out to drift
Well I can see it in your eyes like I taste your lips and
They both tell me that we’re better than this

Cause thats what I’m waiting for
That’s what I’m waiting for
That’s what I’m waiting for, aren’t I?
That’s what I’m waiting for (x2)
That’s what I’m waiting for darlin’

We trade tit for tat like that for this
And I don’t think that there was an insult that was missed
I can see it in your eyes like I taste your lips and
I’m very sorry

Cause thats what I’m waiting for
That’s what I’m waiting for
That’s what I’m waiting for, aren’t I?
That’s what I’m waiting for (x2)
That’s what I’m waiting for darlin’

It rained and its over a shooting star
Landed directly on our broke down little car
We fold and we had made a wish
That we would be missed
If one another just did not exist

Cause thats what we’re waiting for
That’s what we’re waiting for
That’s what we’re waiting on, aren’t we?
That’s what we’re waiting for (x2)
That’s what we’re waiting for darlin’

That’s what we’re waiting for
That’s what we’re waiting for
That’s what we’re waiting for aren’t we?

I listen to music sometimes…

I write lyrics down when they seem to be authored for me. Also, when I wake up blank, the prozac doing what’s supposed to and i’ts comfortably numb… we’re tired. Happy 17th Birthday, Wesley and drop the fucking cigarettes!

Things You Call Fate

I find it hard, hard to let go
And you are entitled to know
You have brought nothing else but bliss, a great deal of frustration, a voluntary occupation
driving me insane and off the wall
And we were free to choose each other
But now it seems like something other
So have you placed me where I stand?
We turned caring like a mother, afraid to lose each other
It got us this far
Now problems are:
I have no bags to pack, no suitcase waiting in the hall
You have no make-up, no stockings in my drawer
Oh, how did we forget? How could we forget?
It’s easy to learn if you never regret
When you live in paranoia and you know she’s got you, oh yeah
You can’t leave until you know the truth
So for months you’re going nowhere
until you seize the day and place yourself behind the steering wheel
Or you could end like you don’t want to, the opposite of what you planned to:
You can watch the ships when they’re abroad
Become a joke when people see you, cause it’s enough to please you
You got this far, step put of the car
I have no bags to pack, no suitcase waiting in the hall
You have no make-up, no stockings in my drawer
Oh, how did we forget? How could we forget?
It’s easy to learn if you never regret
We’ll never learn in the future, this is it, seemingly I am sure
I know we haven’t been together now
It wasn’t meant to be this way so we’ll give it days and days and we’ll try to make it easy now
Once I believed we could approach this, now I have faith placed in the things you call fate
In the things you call fate
In the things you call fate

-Sondre Lerche