The death of Michael Jackson marked the beginning of a personal photo project, a simple P.O.V. “thing” that makes me believe I am more important than the average creature. I am, just ask my kids… not my son, he’ll drool on you! And so, the idea is to look back on these as I have my escapades of the past, yet this time what I do matters, and the most mundane of situations are relevant enough to capture. If my life has become simpler, if my world has become smaller, if my view of the universe is still eschewed, at least someone else can bear witness. And so, on June 25, 2009, the King of Pop Michael Jackson died… I was working on a paper regarding merit and affirmative action for my Philosophy of Human Conduct class and my world kept on spinning. Still had to feed my son every three hours, still did some puzzles with my daughter, still had to figure out the positive points of affirmative action in America (yes, found some!), still had too many cigarette breaks.
Above are two great reasons as to why my creativity has taken a catastrophic hit. I honestly do not believe I will ever recover and yet, I consider myself quite a creative person still. At least I would like to believe I still “got it,” understanding how lucky I am for the opportunity. Happiness comes in the most ambiguous of packages, while philosophically, happiness could be just an over-inflated sense of accomplishment alone. I did nothing but inconvenience myself, these kids gave me some validity, while I had been walking around with too little of it. However, having young children gives you the opportunity to look at life with a wide lens and so I have found the limitless possibilities for creative intention… through their eyes and sometimes at night, through your own, fresh and clear.
Last Saturday, a few friends got together to help Aubree and John move into their new place. She is about six months pregnant with their second child, having been married almost four years. They are a great, young couple I have admired for a long time. Making marriage work, watching great indie films and raising a beautiful child, I once felt rather clumsy around them. Cynism tells me couples like them do not exist and most people go through life either never finding each other, or worse, unable to “get together” (trust me, the experience still fresh… *smile*). But I am not a cynic and truly believe it will happen for me, the holding hands so long they sweat and handwritten letters for no reason. I have never married and at this point, will NOT settle for anything else but the butterflies; I am 32 years old with two children, too much to lose and the hopes of full self-reliance going strong… so close I once lived it! My friends are in love, are yours?
Tomorrow? More pics and finding some idea as to what I am trying to do here… with the pictures, not my life!
“There is no such thing as perpetual tranquility of mind while we live here; because life itself is but motion, and can never be without desire, nor without fear, no more than without sense.” -Thomas Hobbes
